


Collar Full

by purgatory-of-assbutts (phxntxsos)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dialogue, F/M, Oh, POV Outsider, cause i mean a few people do show up but, i forgot, idk who else to tag, it's p much just revolved around them two, that’s the word, umm, what’s the word for epistolary but with like words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 15:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21430570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phxntxsos/pseuds/purgatory-of-assbutts
Summary: Gold has... a girlfriend?No. No way.
Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold
Comments: 20
Kudos: 66





	Collar Full

**Author's Note:**

> Title's a P!atD song btw

“Hey, Gold,” Jefferson greeted as he answered the phone. His mood soured quickly. “What’d you mean can’t come over tonight? It’s Boy’s Night! You can’t just leave me with these guys; you’re the only one in town who has a decent taste in liquor!”

The guys in question turned to look at one another. 

“Wonder what’s up with him,” Leroy fished unabashedly. “He’s usually the first one here.”

“Well, I hope he’s alright, whatever he’s doing,” David remarked.

“Nah, he’s fine. Jeff’d be halfway to his place by now if he wasn’t.” Victor countered. 

“Hmm. Whatever. Pour me another one, sist-”

“_ What!? _ ” they all jumped. “What do you mean you have a date? Since when have you been dating anyone? Do you even _remember_ how to date? Why didn’t you tell me!? Wh-”

The other three leaned in, trying to decipher Gold’s staticky voice through Jefferson’s grumblings. _ Gold? Date? _ they mouthed to each other, unable to recall anything that hinted at that in the last few weeks.

“Yes, fine,” Jefferson said finally. “Fine. But you owe me a story, Gold.”

“So,” Jefferson said as he dropped onto the cot in the backroom of Gold’s shop the next day. “Tell me everything.”

“Her name is Belle,” Gold smiled shyly. “She’s from Australia and she is absolutely wonderful.”

“That’s great! How many times have I said that you needed to get back out there? How did you two meet anyway? Was it on your last business trip?”

“Over the internet, actually.”

_ … Well, shit. _

“_ Him? _ Having a girlfriend? Yeah, right,” was the first thing the newly sworn Sheriff Swan heard when she walked into the morning rush in Granny’s Diner. 

She moved to the bar where most of the discussion seemed to be taking place. “What’s going on?”

“Gold,” Leroy said gleefully. I overheard Jefferson— y’know, that guy from up on the hill?— he was on the phone with Gold last night and guess what? The guy had a date!” 

“Really? Gold? A—” she trailed off as the man himself walked into the diner. 

They kept quiet as Gold waited for his drink, trying to sneak surreptitious glances when they thought he wasn’t looking and the din rose again as he walked out. 

“Maybe she’s one of those mail-order brides?”

“Maybe it’s a green card thing.”

“Wait, no one said his date was with a woman, did they?”

“Gold? Really? Well, I guess he does dress up really nicely. And the hair— it’s was too nice for a straight guy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Doesn’t he have a kid in UF? No way he’s gay.”

“I never said he was gay. I just said that I don’t think he’s straight.”

“You know what? I bet it’s one of those escort services. I’ve heard they make ‘em pretty high end.” 

“Oh, I know! His name’s Gold, right? It’s probably just some gold-digging college dropout or something. Happens all the time.”

“Pfft. Yeah, Gold can be our version of that Playboy guy.”

“Dad, you can’t just date some girl you’ve never even _ met_.”

“How do you even know about that?”

“Jeff texted me.”

“Of course he did. Regardless, we’ve met, son. How do you think we got to talking?”

“I meant in_ person._ Papa? Pa_pa_!”

“Gold, have you heard of the term ‘catfishing’?”

“I have and I do appreciate your concern, Madame Mayor. Now if you’ll just get out of my way, pl_ease_.”

Gold left him without a proper drinking buddy. Again. Jefferson barged to the pawnshop to give Gold a proper Talk, but it was his assistant standing behind the counter.

“Good afternoon. I’m afraid you’ve just missed Mr. Gold. He’ll be gone for a while, I’m afraid.”

_ Oh no._ “Did he say where he was going? It wasn’t Australia or something, was it?”

“No, I believe he mentioned a conference in Florida, though.”

“Oh. Good. That’s good.” It was good. The sooner this whole internet girlfriend thing was put to rest, the better. “Thanks, Dove.”

“Of course. Have a nice day, sir.”

It was the middle of summer when Gold— tanned, jacket-and-tie-less, with the collar unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up— came back from his trip with a tall, scruffy man and a beautiful, petite brunette.

“Hey, Gold’s back. Wait, what happened to him? He’s practically naked! Ugh, I can't believe I just said that. I’ll have to go wash my mouth out now.”

“Never mind that. Who’s with him?”

“Isn’t that his kid? School’s over for him too, I guess. I wonder who she is, though. The kid’s girlfriend, maybe?”

“Yeah, maybe it’s a ‘meet-the-parent’ thing.”

“Ugh. Poor girl. Poor _guy_. Hope he doesn’t run her off o- actually, no. I kinda hope he does. That way she wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.”

The younger two were talking animatedly as they entered the diner but petered off self-consciously when they realized that the patrons’ attention was trained on them. Gold shrugged it off and waved the other two into a booth in the corner, his son on one side and Gold and the woman on the other.

“Wait. No. No way.”

“Oh my god.”

“Holy shit.”

“D-did he just… do the yawn-and-stretch move?”

“Couldn’t have. He’s just, like, asserting his dominance, or something. He’s gotta be.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“No way she’s the kid’s girlfriend.”

“But then that’d mean…”

“Holy shit. That’s her.”

“No. I don’t believe it.”

“_Ohmygod_.”

They waited until the woman went to the bathroom while Gold went to pay the check. 

“Screw this. I’m gonna go for it,” Ruby announced decisively. 

“Ruby, _ no_.” 

“Don’t listen to her. Go for it, sister.”

Ruby stride toward the back purposefully and waited at the doorway, pretending to be startled as the door opened. 

“Hey! I’m Ruby. My granny runs the place. I haven’t seen you here before.”

“Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Belle. It’s my first time here, actually. I’m, um, new in town.”

“You’re… British?” Ruby hedged tentatively as they walked back out. 

“No,” Belle looked amused. She waved in Gold’s direction, apparently in the middle of arguing with Granny about something. “He is, though. I’m Australian.”

"Oh.” They stopped awkwardly as they reached the group eyeing the newcomer. 

“So,” Ruby began. “This is Belle.”

“Huh,” Emma said noncommittally. “So you’re dating Gold?”

Her smile faltered. “Pardon?” 

“It’s just that Gold mentioned that you were his girlfriend a few months ago,” Mary Margaret interjected kindly.

“Really?” Belle asked. “How odd.”

“Right?” Ruby interjected smugly. “That’s what I’ve been _ saying_!”

“He proposed quite some time ago.” She turned to where Gold was still arguing with Granny, frowning. “Um, you haven’t changed your mind about getting married, have you?”

“Of course not, sweetheart. We agreed on an autumn wedding, remember?” Gold answered as he moved away from the older woman. 

“I know. I was just checking, darling.”

Emma turned to them, eyes wide. _ Oh my god,_ her eyes seemed to say. _ No way._

“Now if you’ll excuse us, Belle and I are going to head to the shop. She works in art restoration, did you know?” Gold proclaimed proudly as they turned to walk away, waving to his son— enjoying his sundae while he was watching them make fools of themselves, apparently— as they passed. 

“Huh,” Emma repeated. They all watched as the pair strolled down the street, arms linked and snuggling despite the heat. She turned toward Ruby and Mary Margaret. “Do you think we’ll be invited to the wedding?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still, like, trying out diff writing styles and stuff, so idk if I like this or not lol. Sorry.


End file.
